Emotional Competence – Part of Overcoming Codependency
Emotional Competence, specifically, to begin with, learning to observe your feelings without reacting to them, is a central beginning in over-coming, among other things, codependency. Author and Life Coach, A.J. Mahari, knows this from her own journey of recovery 15 years ago and from her work with hundreds of clients who have unresolved abandonment issues at the center of what is manifesting as codependency in their lives. Emotional mastery is the challenge when one has unresolved abandonment issues that feul codependent styles of relating. Codependent relating is often very painful and re-plays out unresolved abandonment wounds from one’s past in relationships.
Accepting The Pain of Transformation
Accepting the pain of transformation and engaging it fully is part of the process of beginning to resolve what has remained unresolved abandonment in your life. Transformation is a process of change. Chosen change. Change, by its very nature is often a painful process. Transformation is a process of change in nature or character. The type of transformation that unfolds in the process of personal growth, healing, and recovery. Transformation by its very nature produces pain and/or discomfort. This pain and discomfort has its roots in the unresolved abandonment of childhood, which for some, is more profound than for others and might involve intense fear of abandonment that arouses powerful aversion to connecting to this transformative pain.
Grief – A Process of Gaining Perspective and Coping
Grief is what it is. Grief is a part of life. Grief is a process that unfolds whenever we suffer, experience, or feel loss. Some reasons for grief are obvious – the death of a loved one, loss of a job or relationship, for example. Reasons for grief can be subtle – unfinished emotional baggage (abandonment issues) from childhood interfering with goal identification and achievement in the here and now, for example. Life Coach, A.J. Mahari outlines 7 keys that help the grief process and 7 keys that hinder the process of grieving.
Core of Toxic Relationships – Codependence
Codependence is a mindset that is at the core of toxic relating and toxic, enmeshed, relationships. It is mindest that leads people, often without being aware of it, to try to get their needs met by and/or through others. Neediness permeates what are weak boundaries to begin with. On one side of the toxic, emeshed, codependent relationship is the needy person. On the other is the person who ends up trying to meet the insatiable needs of that person neglecting his or her own needs in the process. Unresolved abandonment issues manifested and expressed in different ways is the major common link between people in this relational dynamic.
Suffering is a Choice Related to Unresolved Abandonment Issues
Many people experience their emotional suffering as something that is outside of them. Something over which they have no control. The fact is that suffering is really a choice. Say what? Before you get angry or think I’m trying to say everything is your fault, please consider the difference between reacting to feelings related to the experience of events and/or circumstances – abandoning your emotional control versus empowering yourself by realizing and becoming more aware of the many choices that you can make. Choices that don’t have to involve you reacting to what you feel based upon events or circumstance.
